Ouch! That’s Gotta Hurt

Oh God, what did this poor man do to deserve this horrible pain? Not only did he probably (according to the video, and to my common sense) break his leg, he also probably will never be able to have children or look at a trampoline again without rolling into the fetal position with a bottle of booze, crying ,”I don’t wanna, I don’t wanna!”.

Most people have been on a trampoline, and most people have fun on trampolines. Some people, whether or not they be klutzes, have serious accidents on trampolines. And it’s definitely not funny. These people are getting seriously hurt and they are not having fun. At least, to them it’s not funny. And to them, it’s not fun. To everyone watching from their safe office chair, it’s one of the most relaxing and hilarious things ever.

Personally, I love trampolines. I’ve had years of fun with trampolines, even though I’ve never owned one. It’s plenty of fun to jump around on trampolines with friends or family. There’s plenty of enjoyable games to be played on a trampoline.

Just remember the three primary safety tips for trampolines!

1) Don’t Jump While Under the Influence

Get a designated jumper to help you while you jump- alcohol can severely reduce your ability to sense distance, or detect your orientation. It also may or may not reduce your driving abilities, your ability to repeat the alphabet backwards, or attract the opposite sex with your minty fresh breath.

2) Don’t Jump While Eating Bananas

Perhaps you might be saying- what the hell do bananas have to do with jumping on a trampoline? Well, think about it! If you eat a banana, what’s your first thought after peeling it? Throw the peel away! Now, what if you’re casually jumping on a trampoline, eating your yummy yellow fruit, when you suddenly slip on your forgotten peel, crack your head on the metal rim supporting the trampoline, dislodge a spring, and have the spring shoot speedily out and impale your eye? Yeah- don’t eat bananas and jump on a trampoline simultaneously.

3) Don’t Jump While Writing A Blog

Trust me- I tried. It ends up with $1000 of expensive electronics smoldering in the grass, 1 person bleeding profusely from the head, 8 vultures flying around in a circle, and a very awkward explanation to the doctor of why you ended up like this.

So remember, follow these rules, and you won’t end up like the guy in the video.

This is the Nightly Rambler, signing off.

~ by nightlyrambler on June 9, 2008.